Willothewisp.org

Being Me

My Mantra: "Life without THOUGHT is a life wasted".

Nuts: It has been observed by most of my family that I am what might be described as ' a little eccentric'. This is of course slander, I am not. I am in fact a basket case. However I gave up trying to be concerned what others thought some time ago. So what if I appear a little nuts, I have worked hard for it and I figure I deserve to be just as I wish to be.

The People I Love: My mum for teaching me so much, & showing me how to enjoy being a woman. My Dad for being such a wonderful constant in my life. My cousin Tyjardia without whom I would be in a wheelchair today. Nonke without whom I would not be able to speak properly, if at all, and for her strength. Oma (Grandmother) for her wisdom. Nina: for the love, care and patience she has lavished on me over the last nine years. Our children, for being themselves and making me feel more complete again.

Regrets: Not ever being able to have children of my own.
Hates: 1. Men who treat women with less respect than they themselves expect. 2. Memory of physical pain. 3. Nightmares, they are the worst sort of assailants.

On Deafness

I lost most of my hearing over ten years ago after I was attacked by a man trying to rape me. At the time I sustained some serious head injuries which resulted in the total and immediate loss of hearing on one side. I had some residual hearing left on one side, though not much. Four years ago this last little bit failed and silence fell. In fact it is not total silence because at times there are odd rushing noises, and other transients which sound rather like bad plumbing in an old house ! There are many hard things associated with being deaf, but the one that is hardest to deal with is not the one of intolerance by the hearing, as most (hearing) people assume. Rather it is the fact that inside your head you are left to spend some much time with your own thoughts. When I had my hearing I never appreciated how much sound distracts and comforts you, the sound of the TV on in the background as you do house work, the music from your car stereo as you drive, the sounds of children or animals playing as you study. As a result I find that many things take on an importance that is disproportionate to how they used to be, and in my case no where has this had more impact than in my personal relationships. In short, if you can hear and you think that deaf people can be a little odd, then just try and imagine how you would be if all you had in your head every single day was you !. I was very fortunate to acquire a disability assistance guide dog called Sissi from a friend of mine a few years ago. Sissi is my hearing dog and has been a wonderful addition to our family. Read Deafness

Humanity

We should all understand that although in the eternal scheme of things we are are small & insignificant, we are also unique and irreplaceable, as are all your fellow humans everywhere in the world. The true calling of any of us is not to do extraordinary things, but to do ordinary things in an extraordinary way. Our task must be to widen our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty, and to understand that IF there is a god then it is inside each an every living thing, and that priests, clerics, bishops and mullahs are just con men.

Belief / God

" For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing"

I am an Atheist, not agnostic. I do mean atheist, because I definitely do not believe that there is a god. In fact I am convinced of it. Some people have said to me that saying that I believe that I know there is not a god is every bit as arrogant as those who say there definitely is. This is of course is a load of rubbish. Atheism is NOT a "belief." Atheism is derived from the Greek, atheos, and means simply "away from the belief in a god or gods." Atheists do not "believe," and it is incorrect to assume that the belief in a supernatural entity or entities is, somehow, equivalent to the "non-belief" in those same beings. It isn't. So let me make it clear, I do not BELIEVE there is no god, I am CONVINCED there is no god, the difference is important.
The overall tone of my life is living with compassion and kindness, doing no harm at all, and being helpful towards all peoples regardless of their racial, religious or political differences. NO human being needs a religion to underpin this philosophy, all that is needed is already inside us.

Cats

Cats are wonderful creatures, I believe that they have a better understand of the universe than we do, just spend some time observing then and you will see.

Some thoughts on cats:

• Never try to out-stubborn a cat.
• Time spent with cats is never wasted.
• There are no ordinary cats.
• If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.
• Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
• Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
• Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Nina, Me, Marriage & Children

Nina and I have been together nine years now and I can not imagine my life without her. It is as though she has become part of my own body. She is endlessly patient, always full of energy, and is a passionate and caring lover, but most of all she is always making me laugh. That laughter carries through to our whole household making it a happy and joyful place to be, and children thrive in a happy house. She always faces any challenge head on, which might explain why she took me on, but what ever her reasons I am very, very glad that she did because without her my world would be a dark place. I am endlessly proud of her. I am proud of the good soldier, nurse and midwife that she is, but most of all I am proud of her for having become such a wonderful mother. From the moment the children came into our household she made the transition from career soldier to devoted mother appear seamless. i know she doubted herself when we first adopted, but I never doubted her, I knew she would be a beautiful parent. Of course I talk mean "beautiful" in the spiritual sense, but if you look at the photo above I think you will agree she makes for a physically beautiful mother as well.

Lesbianism / Sexuality

I am Lesbian, I always have been. I have never felt any attraction to males for as long as I can remember. It is not that I hate men as some people appear to assume, it is just that I feel no attraction to men, and lots of attraction to women, and one in particular. There was no event that ' converted me ' I simply have never wanted men. The attack on me when I was 20 just served to reinforce my lack of any desire for men. Some men seem to take this lack of interest in their sex, especially in the parts of them to do with sex, as an affront to their manhood, a threat to it even.

Homosexuality is not abnormal, because human sexuality, along with the sexuality of all mammals, is not black and white but various shades of grey. You need only look at the sexual behavior of men in prisons to see just how flexible sexuality can be, not a nice example but it illustrates that even the hardest, toughest most 'macho' of males can indulge in sexual behavior that is other than heterosexual. Many animals exhibit bi sexual and homosexual behavior including dolphins, monkeys, apes, canine and numerous others. It is society and religion that has tried to force us square pegs into rounds holes (no pun intended). Religious bigotry, especially that of Islam, is the most common hurdle gay people face to leading happy lives, and in many countries it can result in your death.

Let me be clear on some things:

1. ' Lesbian' does NOT = promiscuous. I could count the number of lovers I have had in my life on one hand that has several missing fingers ! I realise that there is a section of the gay community that is rather promiscuous and personally I feel that they could be somewhat more discrete than they often are, but perhaps I am a bit of a prude here.
2. ' Lesbian ' does NOT = hater of men. Granted some lesbians do hate men for reasons of their own, but it is not a requirement. Men should remember that when women do hate men that it is the result of abuse, discrimination, injustice, or male bigotry, so do not blame women, rather look at the short comings of some of your gender on us.
3. In lesbian relationships there is rarely a situation where one partner is the 'male' or dominant partner, neither Nina or myself play the 'male' in any way, we are both very feminine. Personally my relationships have always been a partnership of equals.
4. Who I feel attracted to is my business, it has everything to do with ME and not men.
5. Homosexual people are no more child molesters than any other section of society, and if Dutch figures here are to be believe we are actually considerably safer around children than most, especially religious men - who turn out to commit the highest rate of child abuse offenses per head of population than any other group in society.